| A Fine New Silk Tie |
| Frenchie Escargot and Slag Slurry Sam Were working real hard on their latest scam Selling Imported Vodka to a Russian troupe From the trunk of a fancy 56 coupe Gathering their rubles mixed in with a dime They opened their door with an imported key lime There on the couch sat Stella the Red Sipping on Pepsi she's soaked up with bread Well lookey lookey, here are my boys Come on in and check my new toys She had a LAWS rocket and a fancy new Glock And a dynamite old Swiss Cuckoo clock But the one thing there that caught both their eyes Was a pair of fancy silk billiard ball ties How much for these said Slag Slurry Sam Would you take five dollars and a canned Hormel Ham Stop moving so fast Stella said with a purr As she pulled out a paper from under her fur The ties are yours free you don't have to ask If you'll do me a favor just one little task I'm having some trouble with this one stupid guy And I need you to do me a little drive by You want us to kill him said Sam sounding tough Or maybe just snatch him and get kinda rough It won't be that easy said Stella with a frown I want you to poison his damn little town See there's something that's mine that he won't give back That's why I'm planning this little attack So what's a few hundred dead people or more Me and Escargot have done worse before No it won't be a hundred when death takes it's tolls More like a million departed dead souls Escargot just whistled and said gee I don't know This sounds like one time I don't want to go But those billiard ball ties are sure looking' fine And it'll be on your conscience and not be on mine So we're set then said Sam now fill in the blanks Where will we find the towns water tanks Oh they desalinate's how it was told to me So all you must do is poison the sea I've got all the poison down stairs in my car And here's the plane tickets the towns kinda far Here's some cash to rent a fast ship I'm sure it will be a rather quick trip So the plan it was set they shook on the deal Sam so excited he wanted to squeal A few days later they had entered the town And decided to have a quick look around It was a nice quiet place the people seemed kind Sam started having second thoughts in his mind He thought to himself this doesn't seem right But wearing that tie I'll sure look good at night And poor Escargot was having like thought As his greed and his conscience endlessly fought But they rented the boat and the plan moved ahead In a few short hours they all would be dead But best laid plans fucking up as the norm Once out at sea they encountered a storm Feeling quite sick they both went below And both fell asleep as the storm it did blow And when they awoke they finished their job But arriving in port they found a mad mob Shouting she killed our children this Stella The Red And when we find her she's gonna be dead And who is this Stella and what was her crime Sam asked some fellow making nooses with twine She sold the mayor lime aide for the schools big bash And cut it with antifreeze to make some more cash So this Stella The Red all our kids she has killed And now she threatens us for not paying what's billed I know this Stella I'll tell you where to go In order to find her for a little bit of dough Sam snitched her off got a bag full of cash And he and Escargot they made a mad dash Out of that town and high into the air Their best double cross ya they hadn't a care With a few extra bills upgraded first class And drinking Champagne from a fine crystal glass A fine meal served of fresh fish caught that day But of course it was caught in the poisoned towns bay Frenchie Escargot and Slag Slurry Sam Died as the plane into ground it did slam Frenchie was screaming I don't want to die As Sam imagined wearing his billiard ball tie The town closed the beach a week and a day But desalination made the poison go away Stella got strung up to pealing Church bell As the devil awaited her arrival in hell And the moral of this tale of lies and deceit I'm thinking of one while scratching my feet Nope I haven't a moral of why they had to die But I think I'll look sharp in Sam's billiard ball tie! |
