| It's Saturday Night and I Ain't Got No Body |
- I woke with a start the smell of singed and burnt flesh still in my nose. As I looked down I was startled to see it was my flesh
that had burnt away. I looked around and was shocked to see rocks for sky. My heart quickened and I turned to flee, but a
man sitting on a rock blocked my path.
"Welcome and be at ease Gilliland, for you will find no torment here."
"Who are you and how did I come to this place in this condition?" I asked
"Your memory fails you" he said. "Tis normal for one who has been subjected to the beastly horrors done to you in Gods name.
I am Lucifer and I welcome ye to my domain. What dost thou remember of your last day"
"Pray tell me this is a bad dream, and that this is truly not hell where I find myself" My skin had begun to return to feeling
and the pain was unbearable, I fell to my knees"
"You need not prostrate yourself before me. We are all equal here."
"I do not bow from allegiance but from pain unimaginable!"
He laughed. "Forgive me dear fellow, and I will make you whole again." With a wave of his hand I was returned to my normal
self. "Do you remember the chair and the water?"
"Chair? Why yes! And my cow Bess. She bore two calves with two heads each. And William my neighbor who coveted my farm
accused me of witchcraft. They tied me to the dunking chair and drown me. But water does not cause this! How was I burned
thus?"
"William was tasked to make sure you were dead, but claimed life still remained proving his claim of your demonic possession..
So your lifeless body was tied to a stake and you were burnt till you were a steak. Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha! Stake to steak. Get
it? Sorry my humor does not sit well with you does it?"
"And now I'm cursed with eternal damnation? My God has forsaken me as well? So take me to the fire and brimstone and let
my torments begin!"
"Your trials and tribulations have caught my attention. Do you think I personally greet each soul who comes into my domain?
No, I feel bad for you Gilliland. I would offer to return you to life if you would work for me."
"Return me to life? Only God has this power."
"HA! He is a petty little man with a bad temper and except for his trickery I would rule his kingdom instead of being trapped
down here in this fiery pit!" He sat back down and calmed himself. "Gill my friend, I offer you the greatest gift of all.
Revenge with the might of Lucifer behind you. How say you? Do you not wish to deliver the blows of comeuppance. To grow
horns on your accuser's little wife, and set his crops afire his lands turned to ash?"
As I thought about all that had passed an anger grew within me. I had been a good man, true to my wife and kind to my family
and neighbors. And yet here I found myself before Satan himself. Why should I suffer an eternity of torment when I could
strike back at those who accused me and others like them. The laughter that came from my mouth was both evil and happy.
"YES! YES! I will do your will and send them all to your fiery gates!"
With that the rocks above me flew away and blue sky and sun shone down. I looked and Lucifer was sitting on a rock before
me. "How is this that you are here?" I asked. Are you not doomed to the fiery pit? And then Lucifer started to shimmer and
transform into an angel clothed in white surrounded by a golden glow.
"I am the angel Alian of the order Malakh wat watim. I was sent by God to test your faith and you have failed."
"Failed? It was you and not Lucifer? What kind of holy deceit is this!"
"You were damned by the church and drowned and burnt at the stake. Sometimes the church in it's overzealous fervor makes
mistakes. We had to make sure you were really evil and so you were tested. We can't keep track of everyone all the time you
know. Alas. You showed your lack of faith in God and desire to work with Satan and so have damned yourself for all eternity."
With that he drew a golden sword and with one swift pass severed my head. I watched with horror as I rolled into a hole and
fell for what seemed like hours. And now here I sit. Or lay is more like it. 300 years on and my body somehow lost and
separated from my head forever. "Oh no! Please! Not again!"
Fiery hands picked me up burning my skin as Azazel said to Lucifer "I have twenty virgins says you don't pick up this spare."
"You're on" said Satan as he rolled my head toward that 7 10 split.
