| On The Street Again! The Complete Trilogy |
- On The Street Again! A personal journey seeking love and sanity in the wastelands. In 3 parts
- Part 1 On The Street Again And Other Conventions
- Force fed political slurry
At a Jesus Freak convention
My name tag blinking
In day-glow LED's
My consternation replaced by relief
As the Agnostic Brigade
Finally breached the doors
After beating them down
With hardened flame proof copies
Of Origin of the Species.
They whisked me away
To the bad dream warehouse
Where they attempted to debrief me
After charging me 32 cents
To cover costs for my rescue
But their efforts came to naught
As they finally realized
I don't wear underwear
And in their moment of unease
I made good my escape
By hiding beneath a street lamp
In the Shriner's Theme Park..
Soon I was discovered by Agent Dan
A fez wearing security guard
Who noticed my blinking name tag
I failed the secret handshake test
Thus denied entry to the sacred pyramid
I sold him my name tag for 32 cents
And hit the street again
Looking for the special one
Who could finally give me release
From my madness with her love
Where, smiling, I was soon spotted
By the Pleasure Police who demanded
To know the source of my smile
Or face a rubber pipe beating.
I said praise the lord on high
As I dropped a dime on the Jesus Freaks
Saying they were in league with the Shriner's
And the Godless Agnostic Front
Conspiring to change the nations motto
To "Smile and have a nice day".
Seeing my chance to escape
As they called SWAT to prepare
To storm the convention center
And the bad dream warehouse
I rounded the corner heading east
To avoid the air strikes on the theme park
And made my way to Main Street
Looking for the special one
Who could finally give me release
From my madness with her love
When I was pulled into a store called
The Acts of Kindness Wax Museum
Where all two acts were enshrined for posterity
In buffed bees wax and crinoline tutus.
The proprietor demanding payment of 32 cents
For viewing his wares, went ballistic
When told I had left my money
With the pleasure police
And immediately called his tutu posse
To roll to the west side in search
Of golden tutus and 32 cents.
But distracted by the operator
Asking for 32 cents for the call
I slipped out the back
Tripping on a bucket of hot wax
And slipped down the alley to the street
Looking for the special one
Who could finally give me release
From my madness with her love.
I stopped to speak to pretty Polly
Who sold golden apples on the corner
And smuggled Haitians back to Haiti
To search for the American dream.
She said she knew who
That special someone was
And said she could hook me up
If I had 32 cents to travel to Haiti.
I tried to buy an apple
But didn't have change for a penny
So I went to the bank for change
(I was really hungry by now)
The teller, wearing a crinoline tutu
Told me he had to charge
32 cents for making change
I told him no and warned him
Not to smile so wide or else
And stepped back into the street
Looking for the special one
Who could finally give me release
From my madness with her love
When something hit my head.
- Part 2 On The Street Again And Other Faires Part Tuu
- Geriatric God Soldier
With inquisition mind
And rusted medals
His tissue in hand
Sopping up Pavlovian slobber
Bows diligently before the book
Of TV Revelations
Waiting for the daily channel 666
Convocation of evil
Shocked when told by Reverend Bill
That his mailman was the whistle blower
Who exposed his buildings rat empire
Vows to take revenge upon the blasphemer
And leaves me to gather other
Marching Onward Christian soldiers
To do battle with the beast
I Slip out of my band-aid brand bonds
Unshackle my Corinthian chains
And exchange the imported
Southern Polyester baptismal gown
For my Levi's and T-shirt and tennies
Freed from the threat
Of death by rat gnaw
For wearing an ungodly appearance
I dive into the laundry chute
Which delivers me from evil
In the alley out back
Where I hitch up a rat
And ride triumphantly into the street
Dismounting I hop on a bus
Where an angry driver scowls and shouts
Your bus pass doesn't pass
Now give me 32 cents
I tell him to get over it, it's just a job
When his head explodes
And brains slide down the coin slot
The bus runs over the parking maid
Crushing her cart and breaking a fire hydrant
That transforms into a Faux Trevi Fountain
I dodge spray and young lovers with cameras
Who have gathered in awe
As I jump out the window into the street
Looking for the special one
Who could finally give me release
From my madness with her love
When Miss Mary rolls by
In a bicycle built for tuu
And gives me a ride to the Book Faire
I give her 32 cents
To buy a paperback called
"Lusting For The Inquisition
Or Love In The Dark Ages...
Tales Of The Great Purple Veiner"
And wander off to the Baked Garlic Stand
Where a bald man shouts to passing fools
How his wares grows mustache hairs
For men who want to be real men
And offers me one for a dollar
I tell him that's 68 cents too much
Thinking maybe he's in the wrong poem
And wander back into the street
Looking for the special one
Who could finally give me release
From my madness with her love
I wander into a third hand store
Figuring it must be worthy
As I already have two
And another one couldn't hurt
I narrowed my choices down
To a sucker punch from behind
Or a bitch slap from out of nowhere
When over in the corner I spied
A well deserved pat on the back
That I couldn't pass up for 32 cents
I was so pleased with my purchase
That I gave myself a… ya you guessed it
And hit the street heading for the beach
Looking for the special one
Who could finally give me release
From my madness with her love
The boardwalk was filled with Sunday fools
Crowded around some guy
Shouting the end was near
While selling UV sunglasses
And multi colored snow cones
I peered across the sand
Seeking my bathing beauty love
When a Britney wannabe stumbled up
High on Cognac and misfortune
A matted suicide blond wig
Covering her chemo-therapy head
Wearing a shoestring and two quarters
And offered me her life story
On a bootleg CD with musical interludes
For only 32 cents with a case
Taking pity on the poor thing
I addressed her as Miss Spears
And gave her my pat on the back
Which seemed to soothe her for a moment
Until she showed me her own bitch slap
And gave me back my pat
Which I put into my pocket
A nice spot for a pat by the way
And a juggler having caught my eye
I walked over to him and asked for it back
At first not sure but then seeing
The hole where my eye used to be
Offered it back for a service charge of 32 cents
Saying he was 2 eyes short anyway
An argument ensued until finally we agreed
Fair exchange was no robbery
And I traded my Britney Wannabe CD
For my eye with an assurance
That if he patted her on the back
His prepubescent sex toy dreams
Could someday come true
Leaving him scanning the sand
While masturbating his tongue
I headed toward the marina
And the quickly setting sun
Looking for the special one
Who could finally give me release
From my madness with her love
I stopped at a bar for a drink
With an umbrella in it
I was quite thirsty by now
So I guzzled it down quick
Then everything got dark.
- Part 3 On The Street Again In A Clam Shell
- I woke up wet and blind
At least that's how it seemed
Till my eyes got used to it
A voice spoke out from the darkness
Welcome aboard The Shanghai Lady
The Captain a fellow named Ahmed
Raised a Barbary Pirate flag
And shouted Allah Akbar
Then asked for money
For my ticket to Morocco
When I told him I only had 32 cents
The crew grabbed me
And tossed me overboard
Into the sea where Poseidon
Smoking a 32 cent Cuban Cigar
While resting in the belly of a whale
Disturbed and angered by my splash
Dropped a wave on my head
And bitch slapped me with an octopus
I was going down for the 4th time
Looking for the special one
Who could finally give me release
From my madness with her love
When a loan shark swimming by
Reached over picked me up
And set me on his back
Then offered me a ride
To shore for 35 cents
Which seemed to me
A strange thing to ask
In a 32 cent poem
He said he'd loan me the other 3 cents
For $32 a day interest
When I said I had no ID
He was gonna throw me off
But instead took my last bowl
Of Shark Fin soup in payment
When 32 minutes later
He dropped me off on a buoy
I said this isn't the shore
And he laughed and said
Never trust a loan shark as he sailed away
Just then Aphrodite
floated up on a clam shell
And asked Whatcha doing handsome?
Not wanting to lie to a goddess
I told her I was having trouble
Looking for the special one
Who could finally give me release
From my madness with her love
She laughed hysterically
And said fat chance lover boy
And set sail to the North
About then, this seal
Awakened by our talking
Slapped me with his tail
While balancing 32 cents
On the tip of his nose
And knocked me into the water
For hogging his buoy
So I swam ashore
Where I found an army
Of disturbed fools wearing shorts
Black socks and black shoes
And crinoline Hawaiian shirts
Armed with metal detectors
Scouring the sand for 32 yen
Uncirculated paper notes
Choreographed to move
In Tai Chi precision
as a chorus line
Of Tokyo Roses
Wearing Mata Hari T shirts
Waved 32 cent Pom Poms
While singing
Hey sailor boy
I love you no shit
You buy me Honda
When I said no thanks
I'm really busy
Looking for the special one
Who could finally give me release
From my madness with her love
Being quite hungry after my ordeal
I walked up to a stand selling tacos
And battered heart breaks
On an incredibly simulated
Bamboo stick two for 32 cents
I asked the girl
In the rainbow colored hat
What else she had
She opened her blouse saying
this ain't no 32 cent peep show
I said can you Super-size those
Just before she showered me
With Purple lemonade
While screaming
I'm better than that!
I turned and walked
Back out into the street
Looking for the special one
Who could finally give me release
From my madness with her love
When a flasher walked up
And opened his trench coat
The inside of which was covered
By 32 cent gold watches
All of them set
To exactly 3:20 AM
Not realizing it was so late
I bought two and traded
One of them for room 32
At the Hardcore Motel
Where crackheads peeked
Through cracks in the curtains
Jessica Simpson doubles
Leaned on open doors
As Hanna Montana songs
Played in one way elevators
I turned on the TV
And tuned into channel 32
That advertised they had
Obscene programming 24/7
I watched for awhile
But quickly got tired
Of looking at and listening
To obscene politicians
I lay back propped up
By a pillow and a wall
After settling for the Cartoon Network
(I'm a big Space Ghost fan)
I had just started reading ads
In Gideons Bible
When the door knocked
Startled by the fact
That it could even knock once
Let alone 3 times then twice
I looked through the peephole
And saw a woman
The most beautiful woman
I had ever seen
My eyes froze to her face
While my mind licked her lips
And sucked on her toes
Then I noticed she was naked
And covered with sea weed
She said "Aphrodite sent me
I'm looking for the special one
Who could finally give me release
From my madness with his love"
I said "Come on in!"
