Tales From The Dumpster Diner
    Sympathetic voyeur
    Takes the time to look
    Then certify your womanhood
    And says come and live with me

    You wander blindly into Sherwood
    Where a peg legged thief in green
    Says it's not the way it seems
    Then steals your identity
    After chopping down an oak

    Hookers row you've stumbled onto
    Where you're appraised like chunk of meat
    As girls face the inquisitor
    In blue shirt with badge shined bright
    Saviors of mankind's morals
    They ask you please don't go

    But you slip out of their ambush
    And go find a church to pray
    But the preacher he can't help you
    He's got boy problems himself
    Then suggests the spare confessional
    At the bookstore down the street

    But you have no fear of flying
    It's the words fill you with dread
    And besides your mama told you
    Books put bad things in your mind
    And the bookstore's filled with pizza chefs
    Flipping dough above their head
    Singing Pepperoni Pizza
    Good for you and good for me

    The motorcycle leather rider
    Stops with boots made out of clay
    Tries some school boy come on
    Saying he can take you home
    Well he's such a little charmer
    He almost makes you laugh
    Then on his offer to come fuck him
    You tell him no I'll pass

    Now the chef in silly white hat
    Offers hot dogs from his cart
    He doesn't have a restaurant
    He thinks cart hot dogs are art
    And each one has a message
    Only he can understand
    And if you choose to buy one
    Hell find out what it's planned
    And if it's thinking naughty things
    He'll toss it in a garbage can

    So your city trip to see the sights
    Didn't work out like you planned
    You walk back to your country home
    Where peoples minds it seems are right
    And there are no hot dog vendors
    Out on Main St. every day
    In leather jackets hearing confessions
    Beside the closed up library
    While looking in windows for voyeurs
    Dressed like thieves in forest green

    Now you're safe inside your ranch house
    With your three eyed cousin Jack
    And your fortune telling mama
    Who only reads from crystal balls
    Says she knew you would be back soon
    Or so said her chicken bones
    And your daddy's in the TV room
    Masturbating to the Caribbean Workout
    Then covers up when he sees you
    And pretends to tie his shoe.

    As your sister floats on down the stairs
    And starts to scream out loudly
    With all of you I'm through
    I'm going down to Main St.
    Where my lover waits I'm sure
    You tried your best to stop her
    But you knew it was no use
    So you warned her about the dangers
    And said don't eat from garbage cans