| The Cosmic Gouda, And Other Tales Of Unbridled Lust |
| I was getting down and dirty with some hot little mama, in one of those under the road drain pipes, when the sky turned green and flew away revealing a large Gouda cheese ball hovering above me, beckoning me to grab my cheese slicer and start slicing' and dicing' for some cosmic fondue party, so as I'm not one to pass up a meal, cause I'm never knowing when the next one will come along, I whipped out my Swiss Army knife, with attached utensils, and crawled out to meet it. where as you can well imagine, a rather large crowd had gathered by then, all brandishing their own knives, shouting "kill the Gouda" and "stop the Islamic plot", while slicing up large loaves of French bread from a commandeered Bimbo Bakery truck, that had chanced by, and stopped, the driver being a cheese lover as well, when some fellow yelled out "Grey Poupon, my God, there's no Grey Poupon", and the cry spread throughout the crowd, "there's no Grey Poupon, there's no Grey Poupon, those bastards" as across the street looters started smashing windows in a market, shouting "Grey Poupon, and Martini Olives to kill the beast with" when about then the National Guard trucks started arriving and created a perimeter around the area, setting up cheese puff cannons, and salami launchers, which led me to believe, this might end up being the Deli Battle of the Century reality TV show, and then, as quickly as it arrived, the Gouda began to spin and lift off, like some weird edible top, rising slowly into the air, and the crowd, fearful of losing their snack, attacked the National Guard, and began eating their ammunition, when a police motorcade pulled up and the President got out and spoke to the crowd calming them with the promise of a "Friendly Gouda Initiative" to provide Gouda to every home in the country, and Gouda detectors to be mandatory in all vehicles, like the one shining their spotlight into my eyes, just about the time my Cotto Salami exploded into my lovers Brie, and I said "Jesus, we gotta start meeting like this", and she said "not if that damned Swiss whatchamacallit in your pocket keeps getting in the way. |
